“Your going to stick that where exactly?”

“Your going to stick that where exactly?”

This is the though racing through my mind as the man approaches with a flaming taper aimed at my head. Being attacked on the street, in the middle of a riot, some bizarre initiation ceremony?. No I am just having a haircut. The place I am in is a neat modern salon in the middle of a shopping precinct which only adds to my concern.

About this time I am thinking why I balked at the $78 the other place wanted and maybe it wasn’t that expensive. This one will only be $21 still steep for a trim but best price to result ratio I have found so whatever he is up to it still leaves me over 50 bucks up.

I needed to find a new place as the one I had managed to become familiar with has shut down for a while whilst they dig up the road outside the salon. The notice said 2 weeks but that was 6 weeks ago and I am not sure there is actually anyone down the huge open pit they have dug outside. It is taking up half the street so whatever the problem is it will not be fixed anytime soon.

Back to my arsonist I am not even sure why I am asking the hairdresser this question as he is Turkish and does not speak Engliski I know this as I was leafing through his Turkish to Russian dictionary which was alongside the magazines out on the coffee table.

We had managed to communicate to one another and agree that I wanted a haircut which given where I am in was not a particularly arduous task.  Beyond this there is little interaction and the rest of the staff are busy surfing the net on the Pc they are using as a register and as such are unavailable for comment.

Whilst not exactly looking the part the guy seemed competent up to now. He is short with black curly hair and a mustache which is far too big for his face, swarthy would be a good description and if you saw him in the street you would not have placed him as a barber and if he had that flaming taper in his hand you would just cross the street. He was capable with the scissors and comfortable with the electric razor as well. The cut actually looks fine (but you know the difference between bad and good is two weeks) and he seems relaxed even if he has a burning torch in his hand.

He is about to singe my hair. This is the official definition Date: before 12th century : to burn superficially or lightly scorch; especially : to remove the hair, down, or fuzz from usually by passing rapidly over a flame.

Now the smell of burn hair is no stranger to me give my prolonged smoking habit. Most of the time though it is accidental and I have seen several people restyle their “barnet” via this method removing eyebrows and fringes. In extreme cases bits of clothing as well.

This guy obviously thinks this process is normal so who am I to challenge his routine. He seemed to know what he was doing even the bored receptionist stopped texting to watch although she may have been more worried about the smoke alarm than me. I have to say when he was waving it around and in my ears it made me slightly uncomfortable but in the end it was fine. The smell of burnt hair was a small concern but just to make sure he had put me out properly they shampooed my hair again. A good job really as I can imagine walking home with people sniffing the air as I passed wondering what was going on.

So one more experience to color my life.

“Nothing to fear other than fear itself”

“Nothing to fear other than fear itself”

This is quote from Franklin D Roosvelt of whom Winston Churchill once said “Meeting Franklin Roosevelt was like opening your first bottle of champagne; knowing him was like drinking it” which I think says a lot for both of them.

Another of Churchill’s quotes is”Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities… because it is the quality which guarantees all others”. The reason I am musing on these is because I appear to have taken up the dangerous sport of “Rollerblading”. So courage and fear are uppermost in my mind right now.

Not exactly sure why I am rollerblading? Maybe it was the fact that getting the bike to the park we use is not easy and taking it in the Metro is a no no. Maybe the fact that Judi and our friends are all “bladers” and I am the odd one out. Maybe the 60% discount at the local Decathlon store also helped.

Whatever the reason here I am trying to stand up in boots which seem to have a mind of their own and want to slide down the path before I am upright. I think I will try and stand up on the grass first which seems to subdue them, ha not so keen to move now are you as they sink into the soft earth.

Standing up is somewhat ungainly for the first time but once vertical it is just a case of locking ankles and knees. Not too bad so far. Ok next thing is to see if I can actually move. Maybe this is how Neil Armstrong felt like on the moon (over 40 years ago wow) lifting big heavy things bolted to his feet. Left, right, left, right, getting the hang of this now.

I am of course well protected with stout helmet, knee, elbow and hand guards (although I passed on the padded shorts you have to draw the line somewhere) so in the event I become horizontal at any point then I should survive with only minor abrasions. Not on the grass though all I am doing now is tiring myself out so need to up the ante. As I clump clump to the verge with growing trepidation I wonder if Judi will reappear soon. As an ice skater she had no problem transitioning to inline skates and whizzed off a while back whilst I was still trying to work out which safety apparatus went on the arms and which on the legs, which is left and which right and which way up they went.  They really should label them just to give you a clue.

OK at the edge of the road, let’s put one foot out and see. The boot finding solid ground immediately wants to be off, let’s, go let’s go it is screaming it does not even want to wait for its twin who is still stuck in the soft grass. This is where the memory of falling on the frozen ice comes back to me in vivid color. The feeling of having no control over you movement and the reality of gravity pulling everything loose towards the center of the earth as fast as possible. A bit of frantic arm waving and shifting weight to the grass bound boot keeps me from that invitation to go horizontal.  Ok deep breaths it’s fine nothing unexpected just well sort of unnerving.

Smiling broadly Judi returns she has managed to do the 3 mile circuit whilst I have been dithering around. Now if I can get across the road to the river bank I can tootle around there as it has a railing to grab if needed. Slowly slowly we amble across. Keep your weight forward knees soft head up and you will be ok I keep hearing although not sure my brain is actually processing the data. A brief thought enters my head “do toddlers go through this learning to walk” but of course their bones are softer and they are more used to falling over. I have learnt over time that it is to be avoided at all costs.

Now by the railing I allow Babe to skoot off again as I roll up and down the promenade. Not bad, getting the hang of this. I can travel 10, 20 meters without having to lunge for the railings. Avoiding the railings might actually be a good thing given the deteriorating state of some of them. I don’t want to become a drowning statistic and given the lead weights I appear to have strapped onto my feet if I do go over there is no chance of rescue. Walker’s tourists and pushchairs serve to help me learn how to move left and right although it is sometimes erratic I am still upright.

I might even say I am enjoying it. It requires far less energy than cycling you just sort of lean one way and then the other. An hour or so later Judi who has not completed 5 or 6 circuits decides we have had enough. No argument from me then although getting down on the ground to remove the shackles from my feet is actually harder than getting upright in the first place.

So was it courage driving me to do this or something else?

My mother used to tell me you should learn something new every day (although not sure she meant this). I think you do need to challenge yourself occasionally to try something new, you never know it might be fun. It might be a little scary but you could say that about most things when you do them for the first time whether it is your first Indian curry or visiting a new place or even rollerblading.

Experiences add color to your life and you never forget that “First time”.

Explaining the “Domino effect” how a table mat impacted my day.

Explaining the “Domino effect” how a table mat impacted my day.

“If you get a moment could you wipe down the place mats please, parents will be here tomorrow” Judi said as she scurried out the door. “Fine” I said.

I mean how difficult can it be cleaning 2 wooden linked place mats. How wrong I can be sometimes. The aforementioned mats are part of a set I got in Costa Rica which is a whole other story. They are made up of linked squares of wood and very nice if I say so myself. They do have a habit of collecting pieces of food and dirt so I though the easiest thing was to dump them in the sink. All going well so far a good scrubbing and rinse will do. Drying proved more difficult but only a matter of time.

Having taken them off the little table we use in the kitchen you can now see the marks on the table so let’s give that a wipe down whilst we are at it. (Tatiana 2 the cleaner seems not to bother with the finer details of cleaning and she is somewhat scary and continues to jabber at me at every opportunity even though I make it clear I have no idea what she is on about) Easy peasy, cloth in hand I wipe the table top. Had I stopped to think I might have moved the cup of coffee I had placed there but no I left it right in the arc of my grand sweep and managed to knock it over. Murphy’s law dictates at this point that the cup has to be full which is correct and that it will go everywhere, correct.

OK Ok not a big problem just an annoyance. Starting to wipe up the coffee I now have not only the table top but the legs, the wall the windowsill the floor the cats water bowl and food bowl and a chair. So a 10 second job is being extended. Ten minutes later most of it is done. Eric will be curious as to why I am cleaning her water bowl when I only did it an hour ago but she just gives me one of those “I’ve never understood you anyway” looks and saunters off to lie under the bed where it’s cooler.

I forgot to mention it is about 95 degrees here and has been for a while so all this takes place in an environment where activity of any sort will have you sweating like a pig, well at least it keeps the weight down.

Finishing the easy bits I turn my attention to the chair which is one of those IKEA ones so it should be capable of taking a bit of a beating and shrugging it off. Not quite, the seat is some form of cloth / plastic thing and being cream now shows the clear line of my morning coffee. Mmmmm ok trying to avoid the industrial cream that can take off any stain from the hob I attempt to deal with it with washing up liquid. The issue is of course that as soon as you think you have cracked it you see all you have done is moved the stain line somewhere else so keep going until the entire seat is now done. Only slightly discolored and if you don’t look close I might get away with it. Of course I now have to do the second chair so it matches but not planning to spill coffee on that one but still have to go through the whole deal again.

It is more difficult with the sweat now running into my eyes but keep on after changing my shirt which I notice has coffee stains on as do I. Note to self wash shirt and shower when you have finished. Around an hour later and I am done, physically as well as task wise.

You would not think wiping table mats could take an hour and a half involve all the cleaning materials in the flat including the dish cloths and tea towels and require the scrubbing of 2/3 of the kitchen and my clothes and myself. So after taking a 30 minute break to recover I take a shower and change the coffee stained clothes and am off to the shops.

My shopping list includes some more dish cloths; new kitchens sponge some kitchen roll (Kleenex of course) cat food and if I can find it some “none stain” coffee.

Sometimes the slightest thing can set of a chain reaction so be careful where you put your coffee !!!!

“Finding Vegas”

“Finding Vegas”

A small pun on the title of one of those films which having seen I can never get out of my head (Leaving Las Vegas). Others include Reservoir Dogs, Straw Dogs and the Eternal Gardner. The memory of any of these can make me shiver. Why it is only the nasty films which never escape my head I don’t know probably some shrink would be able to tell me I had an unhappy childhood and I need therapy

Anyway the actual “Vegas” I am looking for is a new Shopping Mall to the South East of Moscow. I say South East as locating it is proving rather difficult. In fact finding most things in Moscow is difficult. There is no “tourist Information” centers and no consolidated sites. Trial and error is the name of the game. In most places it is the Tourists who wander around with maps. Here it is the locals who are the ones who are constantly stopping me and asking if this is the way to or from some unknown place. I always have a street map handy and sometimes once stopped a queue forms as people wait to see the oracle and his map.

Vegas opened early June and is the biggest in Russia. Now you would think that would be enough for it to be easily found. Not so my naive friend things don’t work like that around here. True there are “some” references on the web but not any which actually tells you where it is. There are some general reference to it secret location as being somewhere around the Kashirskoye Shosse and the MKAD. The MKAD I should mention is Moscow’s version of the M25 therefore it is like saying it is out Leatherhead way.

Undaunted I set out on the Metro (it’s our friend remember) starting from Novokuznetskaya and off at  Domodedovskaya. Which is nearly the end of the line only one stop after that so can’t really get lost can I?. Up out of the metro and into that searing sunshine, whilst it is only 10:30 it is very hot today.

Try and get my bearings as Metros are normally on the corner of major junctions and have several exits so you need to find a landmark or a road to work out where you are going. If not you can happily stroll off in the wrong direction which would be a bad thing.  I work out that if I can keep the sun on my left I calculate about a 2 kilometer walk and I should be somewhere close.  2k will take me to the MKAD so by then I figure I should be able to see something.

I march on ever hopeful of seeing some signs, billboards, golden towers or some other sign that my quest is successful. What do I see? I see a motorway that’s what I see. Double check my map; I am where I am supposed to be the problem is that the Mall is not. Maybe it is only accessible from the MKAD anyway its back to the metro for me. As I have mentioned before surrounding the stations there are lots of kiosks and this one is no different and actually has a food hall. These places can rival anything you see in Asia. They have different areas for meat, fish, vegetables and one for “other” items.

You can see people gutting fish and chopping up various pigs, lambs and other things. The Russians are picky when they buy food and spend a lot of time picking exactly what they want. Fruit and veg is not to EEC standards and therefore not a uniform shape or size which at first is disconcerting but actually quite interesting.

Watching all this activity is fun and you are constantly offered slices of product as everyone fights for your rubles. I managed to have a lunch of lots of fruit which I finished off with a savory pastry with “seere” (cheese) which I found hidden in a corner. Coffee is always available but I turned down the opportunity to have some from the girl with the shopping trolley who was doing a roaring trade with the stall holders. I was ok with water as I still had to brave the searing sun back outside.

So whilst I completely failed in my quest I still had a good time and all for $1.5 which can’t be bad can it.

Recalling my little adventure later to Judi (who is somewhere in Turkey) she said “I know exactly where that place is I pass it on the motorway sometimes, how did you get there as I don’t think there is any pedestrian access”

Now you tell me. !!!!!!!!!!

 

Timing is everything “fantastic”

Timing is everything “fantastic”

I mentioned yesterday about going to look for a fan for the lounge (well lounge, hall, kitchen & dining room they are all the same space) well I got one but it was touch and go for a while.

I decided given I have time on my hands and the car has aircon that I would do a trawl of the shopping mall as it gives me more options. There are a couple of electrical retailers a DIY shop and a French superstore and of course they have underground parking so should be a cool day.

Driving there is still as exciting as the first time I got behind a wheel here. You need to have eyes in the back and sides of your head to stay out of trouble. Also there is a police checkpoint on the edge of town which always raises the blood pressure. Not that I am unlawful but just that with limited Russian you really don’t want to be stopped and you need to keep all sorts of documents on your person just in case.

We have a different car right now as Judi’s blew up in the middle of a 5 land road in rush hour the other week. Interestingly it was the day after it was serviced and it overheated within 5 miles of home on the way to see her factory and just gave up the ghost in the middle of the road. Judi is far more pragmatic than I would have been as it was obvious someone either forgot to top up the radiator or forgot to put the plug back.

So past the checkpoint and not my turn to be pulled over so short dash down the motorway (only undertaken twice by people rushing down the hard shoulder) and pull into Aushan the supermarket.

Not a fan in sight so I choose to do the standard shop which invariably means a box of chardonnay and a large pack of diet coke. I was going to buy gin but it is expensive and difficult to find. Not however the Vodka. There is actually a whole aisle devoted to the stuff. There is one for cured sausages as well which says a lot for Russian taste.  Cat litter is also on the list and I still object to paying $32 for a box but hey Eric is worth it given what she has to put up with.

Onward to the electrical retailers the first has nothing at all except empty shelves which is odd. The second has a couple but $100 is a little steep so whilst I am pondering the purchase I amuse myself in the sports store down the other end of the mall trying on roller blades and climbing into and out of tents. Interesting combination you think?. Well rollerblades are something I have been considering for while as it would be easier to transport than the bike. The tents are because you can get these ones which just spring out and can be folded away without having to undo anything which is cool.

So I decide that $100 is acceptable but first I will go back to the first store as maybe they have moved the fans somewhere else in the store. As I walk in there is a crowd of people following a boy dragging a pallet out of the back. As soon as it comes to a halt before me the crowd turns into a pack of wild dogs tearing at the shrink-wrap and low and behold its fans. The big stand up ones. I of course forget my manners and just grab at one, well all these people cannot be wrong can they?. So once I have it I take a better look at the box. Lucky for me there is an English description so a couple of minutes is enough to convince me this will do but how much is it.

“Сколько стоит, Сколько стоит”(how much is it, how much is it) I ask someone gripping the box more tightly as someone tries to convince me it was theirs. A kind lady (not a shop assistant) tells me the price and at $45 it’s a bargain so now where have they hidden the checkout. Oh there it is behind that long line of people with boxes of fans. There are several people with 2 a couple of people with 3 and one lady who has 5 fans.

The pallet is now empty and the whole of its contents of probably 60 fans is now lined up waiting to be purchased. 5 frantic minutes had reduced it to a pile of shrink-wrap and wood and the staff are clearing up the mess.(I should have taken a picture but forgot). I of course am the last in the queue but hey I got my “Fantastic Fan” and saved $55 so not a bad day really.

If I had been ten minutes earlier or later going into the shop I would have missed it. (I’ve always been lucky) 

Now where was I before I was interrupted, ah yes I think I have become one of those ?

Now where was I before I was interrupted, ah yes I think I have become one of those ?

Well travelling is over for a month or so which affords me the luxury of being at home in 100 degree heat. Before you all say “you should be here its stifling where I am”. I see the world is in the process of melting with warnings popping up everywhere but being English this heat is somewhat of a new experience for me. Normally once the temperature reaches 85 degrees I think I am on vacation so my attitude changes. T-shirt shorts and flip-flops.

Moscow in general has good summers and 85 -90 is not unusual however the trouble is that is never stops it’s relentless. Our bedroom faces east so by 4:30 in the morning the sun is shining straight through and the day arrives hours before necessary. Judi has taken to wearing an eye mask for the light and ear plugs for no reason at all which at least helps her stay asleep. My problem is that once my eyes are open and there is light I have to get up. Ok not a real problem except at 5:15 you don’t need to get dressed so I wander around the flat starker’s scaring the cat in the process.

This brings me to the title, remember last year me commenting on people on balconies who might be naked well as you see I have assimilated very well and now I am “one of them”. Wandering around the flat with as little on as possible so maybe someone is at this very moment blogging about naked people wandering around their flats in Moscow.

Whilst one should not be alarmed as we are not overlooked and anyway nobody else is up. Only me and the cat which approaches only with caution and the desire for some morning milk that is so ingrained in her that it overtakes any fear she may harbor.
 
My daily routine requires me to go out every day and exhibitions and churches are now welcome even if they are not particularly exciting. The one thing you can guarantee is that they will be cool. Planning the route so I can stay in the shade is a little more difficult. A far cry from my youth when I would brave any sunshine and scoff at the heat. Now a little more cautious I am quite happy avoiding the searing sunshine and the associated heat. This is not due to any warnings about UV radiation or skin melanomas it is just because it makes me feel uncomfortable.

I was trying in broken Russian to tell my language teacher where I had been recently and her response was “Вы не очень коричневый which is “you are not very brown” and I have to agree I was not, but I am now after a couple of weeks wandering around Moscow. I did not try and explain the perils of sunbathing (so I have become one of those people as well giving advice on avoiding skin cancer) given that she is setting off to Majorca next week. Oh to be young again (not).

The flat has air-conditioning in the bedroom and the office but not the lounge / kitchen and opening windows does nothing to create a draft and only serves to let in the biting things so tomorrow I am going out to get a fan. I know we have passed the longest day but summer here will last for several more months and I have no need to be uncomfortable for that length of time. Winter is not a distant memory and then I could not see the grass for snow now it is because it has all scorched and died. Well hey that’s life.
Nice to be back by the way

“Knife and Fork Sir, certainly that will be $2”

“Knife and Fork Sir, certainly that will be $2”
I was thinking about when we were in England recently where the eco conscious people seemed to have developed a hatred of plastic bags. You now have to purchase your plastic bag when you go to any shop . Not a bad idea in itself and it does bring to mind the waste and pollution caused by these things although one wonders if the 1p it costs you for each bag really goes to recycling and makes a real difference or if it gets “lost in Translation” somewhere.

The reason I am thinking about “extras” is that I am arranging a holiday and all the airlines seem to have adopted a policy of charging you for everything individually and I was wondering when it will get out of hand. You book your seat then baggage, taxes, Airport charges, carbon emission offset and you will also be charged if you want to pick a specific seat. One of my daughters recently booked a flight for 3 adults and 3 children (15, 11, and 10) and had to pay extra for them to sit together.

Surely the booking process where someone books 6 seats in the same name one the same plane at the same time would place them together especially if some of them are minors. Not so, the system must have been reprogrammed to specifically isolate people.  Not sure this is the best idea, do the airlines not have a policy of children must be accompanied? And if so how do the balance this with the process of scattering people around the cabin.

It might be interesting to experiment (especially if the kids are unruly or boisterous) and just let the airline plonk them where ever they will and see how long it takes the other passengers and crew to reorganize them back into a manageable group.

I know it’s a business and there to make a profit but these things swiftly get out of hand. The low cost carriers have been doing this for a while, a free for all with seats not being allocated, luggage restrictions which drive you to only taking your toothbrush (but no toothpaste unless <5oz (I had one taken off my by the Homeland Security team once)). You pay for drinks and food on many airlines these days and they are “considering” charging you to go to the toilet which is where it starts getting out of hand

So perhaps other firms will adopt the same approach, maybe your favorite restaurant will charge you to sit with your significant other or maybe you could treat like speed dating and allow them to place you where they want. Maybe the petrol station will charge more for using pumps nearer the kiosk.  Banks could have a special “Fast track” queue where you pay extra to get served faster (they may already do this I don’t go into many banks). Maybe the barber could charge you by the inch for your haircut. I could go on but I think you get my drift.

So the thin end of the wedge is firmly in place and will be hammered home by successive missives  from people who think that the most efficient way to run a business it to just charge the customer successively for their failure to manage their costs and productivity. Well the customer (me and you) always have the option to go somewhere else which we will do when we see that “what you see is what you pay” sign. I am trying right now to book a flight to the US which is showing at $500 but will cost me $1,200 to actually book now that is quite a difference.

As for the Knife and Fork reference it comes from the Jeremy Clarkson column where he is berating the car industry for charging for “Extras” like wheels and is asking what next will you visit your local eatery and order the steak with jacket potato and have to pay for the plate and knife and fork individually and what if you don’t will they just drop them on the table and let you use your fingers. Now it would be good to see the reaction of the other people as well as the staff.   

Habit, Routine or Ritual ?

Habit, Routine or Ritual ?
I am thinking about the difference if there is any between the Habits we have and the routines we develop and if they in the end turn into rituals.

Take getting up in the morning now I have a routine, get up when the “beep” tells me to (I would rather have the radio but given I don’t have control of the alarm then a beep it is). Put on a pair of sports shorts and a football shirt and wander off to make coffee and a cup of tea for Judi which I take back to her as she never gets up until the 3rd beep. I give the cat a very small amount of milk in fact only enough to say you have had some, more a couple of drops but she does get excited about it.

I turn the radio on as I don’t like silence and sit sipping coffee. The radio is set to a local station which if course I don’t really understand but the music is mostly in English although they do have some interesting stuff “Like a hobo from a broken home I’ll come running back to you” is one of the current favorites. I am collecting silly lyrics for a later blog. On the 3rd buzzer I will check the kettle to make sure there is enough water in the kettle for more coffee. Judi appears as if my magic with tea and shoes in hand, tops up her tea and puts her shoes on. We talk briefly about things which need doing that day then she is gone. 

My routine continues make the bed which is really just straightening the duvet then onto the Yoga. I am continuing with the Yoga even though I don’t like it. I just want it over with but know you cannot really rush it. It is not circuit training and you are supposed to relax into it. I am sure it is doing me good and it was one of the time slots I made for myself in the early days. That done get dressed and start the day.

It’s a very repetitive process broken only by slight changes on the weekend so is it a routine or a ritual, well I think routines can be broken but rituals are fixed like religious ceremonies they are written in lore and cannot be changed. There is something unnerving about a change of routine, as humans we are creatures of habit so changes upset the balance and cause anxiety and confusion which is the reason for this particular blog.

The Australian open tennis is on and the matches are starting early so as we get up there are results to check and live tennis on the TV. This interrupts the normal routine and the calm and tranquility. TV’s and Pc’s need to be up and running and sports web sites scoured for comments. All of this before 8 am in the morning now that is a little cruel for a man who likes peace and quiet as a start to the day.

Not only do I have all of this but I am designated watcher which means I have to continue checking progress so I can give a running commentary later in the day. No don’t get me wrong I like tennis and am developing a cool backhand slice on the Wii game but it is difficult to watch and retain all that is happening. There was a match lasting five and a half hours the other day so all of my routine was shot to pieces. I am actually writing this whilst Federer struggles in the early stages of a match with Davydenko. It fine but only 10 o’clock in the morning. I was never a daytime TV watcher so I still feel guilty about having it on before tea time.

So my daily routine has changed. I know it will be over next week and we will return to normal so I can live with it and try and remember it is just a routine not a ritual.

So what’s your ritual ? getting ready to leave the house, setting the table, the route you take shopping, when you do you laundry, how you clean the house, there are many habits we develop which become routines which in turn become rituals.  What if done differently will send you into a tail spin and completely throw off your day. It is worth remembering “if things don’t change they stay the same” a very silly saying but would you want to be dictated to by a routine you developed or are you a free spirit who can adapt to the situation at hand.

I need to stop now as Federer seems to have got the measure of Davydenko and may be closing in for the kill we shall see and I shall comment later tonight.

Now that is extremely annoying not to say embarrassing

Now that is extremely annoying not to say embarrassing
It would seem I am spamming people maybe even sending out phishing emails and all this is very annoying. There is that sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you start to get responses to emails you never sent and some of the ex IT people I worked with start to suggest you might be infected. Damn, damn, damn. You wonder if the filtering on other peoples email will protect them or that they will have the good sense to not try the innocuous links in the emails but if people trust you then there is a chance that some innocents will and could start the chain again.

Not that I paint myself whiter than white only that I am naturally careful about these things. I have the strongest antivirus stuff and religiously keep it up to date. I avoid dodgy sites and even have Norton check sites and let me know if they are suspect. I don’t save my passwords I always key them in each and every time. I don’t use my email id for every site I log onto I have various different ones for different places. My virus scanning is on constantly and I run a full scan every week Not sure what more I could really do maybe it is a case of “S**t happens” but more likely that it is my fault an accidental click is all that is needed and there that little piece of code which silently attached itself springs into action and soon everyone in your mailing list is getting a little message saying “hi” from you.
Damn, damn, damn it’s too late now and you just have to live with it. Rescan the Pc (680,812 files) delete all of you cookies, history and anything else you can think of. Respond to anyone who lets you know and apologize and hope you have not started off a global chain which will soon sweep the world and bring it to a standstill. 

You get somewhat blasé after a while and it was normal for me to leave my email open all day whilst I am online which may be a key. Not sure about that but think I will only use email on its own and be even more selective about the sites I use. I actually think it was the local Russian Expat site as the email went out early in the morning and it’s either that or the BBC Sports page (which I very much doubt) as these were the only places I had visited. So probably drop the Expat site which I have never been too fond of as there are many people on these moaning about stuff which is irritating so no real loss. Not sure I could survive for long without the BBC as it is my link to the rest of the world.

Damn, damn, damn. You want to trust you Pc and not have to spend your time worrying about this sort of stuff I have lots to do and much of it on the machine so it will be a rough couple of days checking and rechecking that everything is back to normal. In reality it may not be that big a deal but it is never the less embarrassing and that hurts (a great deal). You don’t want people worrying when they get an email from you, you want them to trust you and believe you would not put them in harm’s way. 

This sort of thing is not new and in my time I have had exposure to lots of people with this issue just it was never me. Whilst I was running help desks you could get 10 -20 a day in the late ninety’s as that was the age of spam and it was there every day and you spent a great deal of time dealing with it and pacifying people and repairing bits of kit. Some even required changing a person’s name. With the advent of some laws this calmed down and phishing took over as the threat. Now we also have to contend with service threats which try and swamp sites with requests to bring them to a standstill.

Maybe this is the most worrying threat, we live by the Pc these days and not having it whilst it won’t stop the world it could severely impact every day actions. Just think of what you do online besides email and Facebook, shopping, banking, organizing holidays, etc, etc and how you would cope if these were not available just when you needed them.

Damn, damn, damn.

Can you hear something “Beeping”

Can you hear something “Beeping”

It seems I am somewhat sensitive to things beeping and was wondering if it was just me of if it was something everyone suffered from. The electric clock behind me has just “beeped” o’clock not sure which o’clock but it has just turned something.
My Pc beeps at me all the time either letting me know I have new mail or that it has blocked a popup or I have done some illegal activity. My phone beeps to let me know it has a message or a text it also vibrates but that only creates a sound if it is on a hard surface. The cooker bleeped at me the other day when I took the lid off the pan cooking rice and put it down on the surface, “I don’t think you want to do that Steve” my brain heard it say in that wierd HAL like voice. In reality it was just saying “ouch that was hot”.

Over Christmas whilst on our recent epic voyage around the UK there was beeping abound. From smoke detectors through microwaves, dish washers, cookers reaching temperature or ending set times, washing machines, household timers, reversing cars and even the car we were driving would bleep when the temperature reached 4 degrees (no idea why 4 degrees but it did). There are also the video games which bleep constantly telling us to stop doing that or sometimes (rarely) saying well done.

There seems to be a semi Pavlovian (Google Pavlov) response to these sounds from joy that something is done, concern if it is not finished at an appropriate time or even fear if it is unexpected. We jump to respond to these stimuli with a level of involuntary activity which I think we have little control over. Are we training ourselves to respond and are our lives now driven by the beeps or are we ultimately still in control. We jump to respond without thinking is my view. My Pc has just beeped to tell me I have new mail which I am going to resist reading until I finish this (well maybe).

Each beep is vying for our attention “pick me, pick me, me first, no me please” they are telling us all trying to outdo each other to be dealt with. I think of them like the seagulls in Finding Nemo all calling “mine, mine, mine, mine, mine” which I found amusing. Do you think they feel smug if you pick them first or sulk if you don’t? Do you think they secretly get together when we are asleep and organize the rota ?

I am not sure if we could retrain ourselves to not respond to these interruptions. How long could you ignore the dish washer telling you its finished (in my case I can set it to take up to 4 hours but that’s a different problem). Now of course the reality is that the dishes are safe and clean and not going anywhere so unless you have limited crockery and are waiting to dish out dinner there is actually no need to rush to decant the items so what’s the big deal. The same goes for the microwave, you are unlikely to be eating what every was in there unless you have an asbestos lined mouth as it is still actually cooking for a while after it stops. This is why they say leave it for a few minutes so why not just reset the bleep to activate 3 minutes later or is that to simple.
(Still not read that email)

I think in the old day’s church bells and clocks were the only things making noises and these were time related so it told us it was time to start or stop things. These days they are activity based beeps telling us something has happened so they cross over into a different area. They are telling us we need to do something and irrespective of when the bleep goes off we respond even to the point if interrupting what ever important thing we are actualy doing. Hands up those who actually set one of these appliances off so it finishes at a particular time or are you like me sat with my coat on waiting 20 minutes for the washer to tell me it is time to go out. you see the beeping is actually an irritation to the routine nobody sets their appliances to complete something when it is convenient for them you allow the Beeps to dictate when things happen.

 Now some of these things are essential like the smoke alarm and probably the cooker unless you like your roast well done but perhaps some of them have delusions of grandeur where they “think” they are important but in reality they are just bit players in the grand scheme of things. Maybe if we read the manuals we could turn off the sound (need to find the booklet for that clock) or maybe just maybe we could learn to ignore them. What do you think do you have the will power ?

going to wait another 30 minutes to read that email, maybe go and have a cup of coffee the kettle has just clicked to let me know it is boiled. (are clicks the new beep?)