Now for the Pork Pies
A very English thing is a pork pie please see link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_pie and the new Terminal 5 at Heathrow is not only my destination but also the first (and last) point where I can purchase the said savory. Ok I know you have to navigate the train from whatever satellite you land in which is slightly eerie and quite deep. A quick dash past the ditherers who can’t work out the difference between, UK, EEC, Other passports and transit passengers. They really should put some arrows on the signs unless the objective is to get people to huddle together pointing at things hanging from the ceiling which is what they are most effective at.
A note to anyone travelling through T5 at heathrow please check if they still have that pile of broken chairs just past the Customs post. Every time I come through I see them. Now it might be the designated broken chair area or more likely they don’t know what to do with them.
Downstairs to baggage control a huge cathedral type of place and wait for the bags. Not sure if the customs is fast or the baggage is slow but I have never found my bag trundling around the conveyors before I get there. Text my sister Jo who confirms she is outside and 10 minutes later so am I case following me like a well trained dog only clipping my heels when I lose concentration or take a corner too fast. Quick hello and organize a raid by Jo on Mark & Spencer’s to acquire the aforementioned food stuff. (Well done British Airport Authorities for putting one of these outlets there) I am of course outside having a cigarette and being advised by some chauffer that I should avoid the M25 as if it was the road to hell (I think Chris Rea’s song was about this very road) and to use the back roads to Luton which is our destination for tonight. You see the English can talk about things other than the weather we can also discuss traffic and football (soccer).
Not knowing exactly which type to buy Jo has purchased several sizes so it is with a mouthful of the “Dinky” size I spit out my order at Costa Coffee. Not exactly sure where they get their staff these days but don’t think it is England. How difficult can it be to understand “Large Americano with Milk to go” well very difficult for the girl with the Spanish accent which is not helped by the Polish assistant on the next till. “Café d’lait, Kofe s-malacom” I offer as alternatives but to no avail, oh for a board with pictures you could point to. It is a coffee shop after all so one would assume that they would understand at least a couple of words from their own brand tite.
Ok one Latte? Later (really I give up sometimes :!) we are outside with only a small fight with the automatic ticket payment system. The people on the next one seemed to have really done something horrendous as the engineer is dismantling the machine, not sure what they put in there but is seems serious and they smile weakly as the people in the queue behind me quietly tut their disapproval whilst secretly thanking god it was not them (it’s an English thing). Let’s hope the engineer finds the thing full of café latte it would be sweet revenge.
I am designated driver for this trip a fact I deduce as my sister forces the keys into my hand as states she is never going to drive in England again. This is not only due to her care being 1) very small 2) a left hand drive (England is correct drive or Right hand to the rest of you) 3) she has been living in France for a number of years so is out of touch 4) She has no idea where we are going. I am of course fine with this as it matter not to me where the wheel is or what car I drive it is just something I am used to. Follow the car in front of you normally keeps you on the correct side of the road. The only time I ever get flustered is in car parks and people don’t normally drive fast there (Russia is an exception to that rule where they drive everywhere fast even to park). I can’t get the sat navigation going until we exit so I will wing it for a while. I know the area but not the route but I am a man so I don’t need a map or a navigation to get lost I can do that all on my own thanks. A small distraction at the exit gate as of course the ticket eating machine is on the “other” side of the car. Not a problem now there are two passengers but if gave Jo a hard time when she was trying to get in having to get out and go and collect it whilst everyone hooted horns or attempted to change lanes to get to another entrance gate. Maybe that was not driving point No 5.
Ok let’s try and remembers Hayes, Ruislip, Northwood, Watford, M1 Luton should be a breeze. Now quite why or how I find myself in Uxbridge or Denham green or Rickmansworth I am not sure but the sun is on my left hand side so I must be going North which is close enough. Spotting the M1 and joining the queue of vehicles going where ever they are going on a Friday evening. Possibly some of the people who were on my plane. There is a traditional migration of people back North. Those who are drawn or possibly dragged down to work in the “Smoke” who escape on a Friday to go home and clear their lungs and return to the simpler life back home wherever that is.
We should arrive soon and we are looking good next stop Luton