So almost ready to take off. Smiler decides to take the newspapers round and the babushka in the window set takes a copy of every one available. She ends up with five which I think is a little excessive even for a 4 hour flight. Maybe she will make fire lighters out of them when she gets home. Blond lady and she are getting along famously. I have no idea at all what they are talking about but they seem happy. I look for my peanuts and as I pour some into my hand two more appear. Both ladies to my right are holding their hands out for some and smiling broadly. Actually I am fine with this as the bag is much bigger than I usually buy and given I do not have enough personal discipline not to eat them all it is good someone will help me.
Ok we are off and in the air. Once leveled out someone tried to use the toilet at the front of the cabin and gets chased out by the business class stewardess who defends her territory like an Alsatian. Jerking the curtain closed so we do not disturb the some business class passenger who is unfortunate to be the sole focus of her attention for the next four hours. My new BFF’s and I continue to share the peanuts until smiler arrives with the drinks trolley. My companions order two drinks Babushka wants diet coke and a tomato juice the blond orange and fizzy water. I think they are trying to get their money’s worth. I just get orange.
About this time my previous row companion who seemed to b contemplating changing a diaper whilst in the middle seat cross from me is chased out by the angry Rottweiler in business. This means she needs to pass the drinks trolley which is at row 12 of 38. Smiler pulls it back into business to let her through and again from row 15 when she comes back. Rather than returning to her seat she decides to get something out of the overhead. Unable to do this with the little octopus she passes him to me. Mmmm still trying to get the blood to flow from our last encounter I guide his feet to the floor of the aisle rather than onto my knees. As soon as he feels something solid under his feet he is off however I have hold of his reins so he does not get far. He tries a couple of attempts to wriggle free but to no avail. He takes his wrath out on the closest thing which is half a glass of water which the passenger was hoping to drink rather than mop up. Smiler magically arrives with tissues whilst mum picks him up and goes back to her seat with a bag with a box in it. Out of the bag she pulls a box which contains a brand new portable DVD player. Now forgive me but I think she might have enough to keep her occupied than trying to get a new DVD to work and I personally doubt the battery will be charged up enough for her to get it running. If she is trying to pacify the toddler he is far more interested in the box (go figure). Lunch or dinner comes and goes with both my companions having rice and fish plus vodka which I have something resembling pasta with mince. It matters not what it is as it is just there to occupy the time.
Just to liven up the proceedings two more children have been released to run up and down the aisle bumping into things knocking things over and generally banging themselves into hard objects until they cried. When not on a path of self destruction they pass the time by pulling each other hair and stealing one another’s toys. I am not sure what logic the parents are using which makes them believe this is a good idea and you can feel the tension rise during the track and field events. Eventually they get tired and all sit down again.
I take the opportunity to visit the toilet and find a male steward leaning against the door. He moves aside and I find that his job this trip is to hold the door shut as someone has broken the lock. Back to my seat which now resembles the boot sale I went to last week. The blond lady is looking for something in her sack of a handbag and is systamatically emptying the contents onto my chair. If you have heard of the Tardis then this is the closest I have come to it. She collects everything up in her arms so I can regain my seat then promptly dumps everything into my lap. (It’s only 4 hour’s whistles through my mind). Eventually she finds her holy grail and pulls out a diary. She and babushka are swapping telephone numbers and addresses. We easily get everything back into the bag and it somehow slides under the seat in front of us.
We are starting to descend you can tell by the way the children start to get agitated. We will actually land on time which means we picked up around 50 minutes. This is needed as this plane has to turn around and get back to Heathrow before it closes. Landing is a little bumpy but the old adage “any landing you can walk away from is a good one” serves us well. The pilot gets a hearty round of applause which I always find entertaining. Pull into the gate and there is a mad dash however I remain seated. I know we are not getting off until the medical team has given us the all clear. Next comes the announcement for everyone to go back to their seats. The medical team board and start to use thermal cameras to check up out and even after they leave the plane everyone still seems a little reluctant to cross the threshold into business to deplane just in case they get bitten by the mad dog up there. Well I have been travelling now for 26 hours so I doubt I would feel anything so off I go.
First off the plane is unnerving as there are no signs and wherever you go people will follow. At the end of the gangway there are three options up down or right. I remember last time we were bused from the plan and Passport control was on the ground floor so I guess down. If I am wrong then there will be 150 disappointed people glaring at me. I guess correctly and am first at the control point. Through and even better news my bag is 5th off the plane. Through the green channel and all that is left is to walk the full length of the airport to get the train. 250 rubles for my ticket and only ten minutes to departure my luck is holding. On the train there is a woman with a shopping trolley selling drinks and chocolate so that is my treat for myself. 40 minutes later I am in the center of Moscow waiting on the pavement for Judi to pick me up. Lots of unmarked cars stopping to see if I want a lift but not this time.
Judi arrives I fling my bag in the boot and slip into the front seat.
Judi “How was the trip?”
Judi “There is always something interesting on my flights maybe you need to pay more attention to whats going on around you”
Me “that’s a thought, maybe next time I will”
I lean back and sink into the leather seat and close my eyes for a moment